The Last Day of the Rest of My Life

Today I see a bright sky full of blooming cold grey air
The tips of dead trees scratch it's line, in reminisce
Reminding me of the burst nerves that clog my mental positioning.
Today I see a park that smiles with undead grass

December wind sends no chills through the once lit temple
Today it rains onto the inside of a once livid banister. 
Today I see my spouse as walking flesh bone and organ,
I see my child as a living growing curious organism, blind to the ground beneath.

Today, to drown is to sleep. 
Today, to help is necessary
Today, my eyes now blurry, blank to the black downward stone stairwell
Today I ease my body up and down the stone well for reason.
But there is, no

Life, death, friend, foe
Mother, father, grandmother, you
Now this is beginning to grow
Can not fear what was already here
from renting to mortgage to owning the home
But this is no home, this is a moment
from a moment, to days, now to life
What will I do?

Fake a smile to be acute
or show my feelings for you shoot?
Shall I show and tell? Who? You? Yall? Us? Trust, what?
No way.

Im already on life number 2
The other is at bay, so far behind me, dead at the sea
it wasnt perfect, yet still destroyed by Trust. Us. Yall...Who
And now, I must live again... please, is this true?
And now, today is and will never be the great IS
Today, there are no regrets, I live this way
Because today will not set

Your sky, I paint, will be blue with clouds. Mine will not.
Your park, I plant, will blossom with pink roses & sunflowers. Mine will not.
Your words, I listen to, find meaning in my mind. Mine will not in yours.
Your examples, I regret, are from history. Mine are from recent emotion.
Your happiness, I die for, is my life. Mine does not live. 
Your loyalty, I expect, but should not. Mine has no option. 

Today, I am a silent smiling vegetable.
Alone in its tiny little hay basket.
Kicked off to the side of society, "Hey you little rotting vegetable, why don't you feed me? Stand tall while I snap you in half, then ill skin you into potato salad."
Today, I am an old wooden rocking chair alone in the ocean, not sinking but sitting on the bottom. Waiting for the pressure of the environment to detonate my brown exteriors over the floor, to be carried away by the current, and more sociological headache.

Today, I am an old rotary phone, that sits in a deaf person's home. Waiting to be answered, but only used for outgoing calls.
Today is what today has always been, but you didn't know it
Today is what today will always be, but you didn't think it
Today is the day you realized that you really have lived twice, but you didn't know it
Today is the last day of the rest of your life, and you didn't even know it

Until Today

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